Humour Quotes - Page 5

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701 quotes
I don't have a problem with God. It's his fan clubs I can't stand.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

They have now discovered that the Messiah has come again..
they can't release the news til she gives up smoking.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

I'd get out of bed and get my wife coffee
but I don't want Colombo to see me naked.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's
butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British intelligence.
It turns out he only took up residence in 95.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

Many trees were cut down by the storm. The deer think it's
Thanksgiving.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

Kerry and Kennedy.. those 2 giant heads coming down the
street together! like a Macy's Day parade.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

You row up the day you have your first real laugh, at yourself.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

Any discussion of the problems of being funny in America will not make sense unless we substitute the word wit for humor. Humor inspires sympathetic good-natured laughter and is favored by the healing-power gang. Wit goes for the jugular, not the jocular, and it's the opposite of football; instead of building character, it tears it down.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

My father wanted to be the bride at every wedding,
the corpse at every funeral.

TR's daughter.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the world's economy. One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it arises, the nobility of things associated with it, and the greatness of services it renders.

- Oscar Firkins: Memoirs and Letters.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

Perhaps some saint drove them out of England
(in response to a question about why one sees few ants
in London).

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

She was as humorless as a chicken.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

You mean I'm only paying for chicken yet I'm getting beef?

response to news of pig and cow prions in chickens fed parts
of those animals http:/www.rense.com.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

I had thought, on starting this composition, that I should define what humor means to me. However, every time I tried to, I had to go and lie down with a cold wet cloth on my head.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

Don't try for wit. Settle for humor. You'll last longer.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

The teller of a mirthful tale has lattitude allowed him. We are content with less than absolute truth.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

Wit is far more often a shield than a lance.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something which would make you mad if it happened to you.

By: Amit Kher # 20
In Humour Quotes

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