Humour Quotes - Page 3

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701 quotes
I had mixed reactions. Like watching your mother-in-law drive your new car off a cliff.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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The gay dwarf...
decided to come out..
of the cupboard.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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Coffee
(coughee)
is someone coughed upon


passed on by J Gibbons.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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The British tourist was asked
what he thought of the
Grand Canyon.. and wrote
back

'gorge-ous'.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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The seal went into the restaurant and was asked
by the waiter if he would like a Canadian Club
on the rocks.

He replied
no thank you.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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Poor George. He can't help it. He was born with a silver foot
in his mouth.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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You're the opposite of a paranoid. You're under the illusion that
everyone likes you.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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My boy scout merit badge was in Russian communism.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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He'd never laugh at my jokes. I was a woman, meaning my relationship with humor should have been as an object, not a perpetrator.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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Until I was 16 I thought my name was shut up.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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I was honored to witness Tibetan sky burial.. and wrote this
poem about it.
Birdie birdie in the sky dropped piece of Grandpa in my eye.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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I put a picture of her guru on the stove..
I call it Om on the range.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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I berated a tomato in my garden today for 20 minutes.. It didn't move.. Must be a pacifist.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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Virgos administer charity with tweezers

(said in self deprecating humor about his virgo
planets)

(Virgo pours out his life in service to others).

By: Amit Kher # 20
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We know you've sinned
but give us a couple bucks
and we'll send you
a gift certificate
to heaven.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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There's a woman in China having a baby every 6 minutes.
They're trying to find her to stop her.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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Yes, I dye my hair, so that people won't ask
me about my son John.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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Virgos hate chaos. Pisces is the chaos of the ocean.
Virgos administer this chaos with tweezers: 'a drop for you..
a drop for you'.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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Help im trapped in John Redcorns bathroom!

By: Amit Kher # 20
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My mother was awarded the Serbian medal of freedom
for raising 3 dysfunctional Croatian sons.

By: Amit Kher # 20
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