Computer Quotes - Page 8

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249 quotes
It's like being a doctor, but without getting my paws all gooky.

By: shekhar # 1
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I will write on a huge cement block 'BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING.' And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer and run like hell.

By: shekhar # 1
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If some unemployed punk in New Jersey can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95 this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka !

By: shekhar # 1
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Dude, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid you've been hacked — the FTP server at 127.0.0.1 has all your personal files. See for yourself; just log in with your normal id....

By: shekhar # 1
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I don't understand why cheerleaders won't talk to me. Maybe I don't throw five touchdowns against Newport High, but let's see one of those football morons program in assembly language. !

By: shekhar # 1
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MMORPG players are freaks. If I ever have kids, and I catch them doing anything with a computer except for normal stuff like porn and hacking into school to change their grades, I will beat their asses like a red headed step child.

By: shekhar # 1
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Why is it 'marketing' when a company helps itself to my information against my will and 'piracy' or 'industrial espionage' if I helped myself to THEIR information against their will ?

By: shekhar # 1
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Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G ?

By: shekhar # 1
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Internet Explorer Tip: when it says 'turn off images', it only refers to inline images. Which is why it's safe to go to Goatse but not Tubgirl. I think it's obvious how I figured this out.

By: shekhar # 1
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Crap... Someone knocked over my recycle bin... There's icons all over my desktop...

By: shekhar # 1
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Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more user-friendly... Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover.

By: shekhar # 1
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When I was a teenager, Mom said I'd go blind if I didn't quit doing *that*. Maybe she was right — since the invention of internet porn, computer monitors keep getting bigger and bigger. !

By: shekhar # 1
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It can be shown that for any nutty theory, beyond-the-fringe political view or strange religion there exists a proponent on the Net. The proof is left as an exercise for your kill-file.

By: shekhar # 1
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If you don't want to be replaced by a computer, don't act like one.

By: shekhar # 1
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We will never become a truly paper-less society until the Palm Pilot folks come out with WipeMe 1.0.

By: shekhar # 1
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I said that 30 years ago! Why does no one ever listen to me ?.

By: shekhar # 1
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If you're not failing 90% of the time, then you're probably not working on sufficiently challenging problems.

By: shekhar # 1
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Prolonged contact with the computer turns mathematicians into clerks and vice versa.

By: shekhar # 1
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Press CTRL-ALT-DEL now for an IQ test.

By: shekhar # 1
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I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why ? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially... They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and its going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

By: shekhar # 1
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Computers in the future will weigh no more than . Tons.

By: Sachin Jain # 13
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