Computer Quotes

I went to the gf's work last week, they had no antivirus. 279 viruses. The best part was they showed me their backup strategy: they use custom software and they backed up the application by dragging the desktop icon (a shortcut) to their cdrw. They had 2 years worth of shortcuts.

Science is supposedly the method by which we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. In computer science, we all are standing on each others' feet.

Procter & Gamble, for example, uses an SGI system to study the aerodynamics of Pringle's potato chips. !

A Mac vs. PC commercial you'll never see: 'Whatcha doin, PC?' 'I'm playing this new game'. 'Oh really, which one?' 'Any'. 'Oh'. (silence) (fade).

OK, so the computer has understood, but what about me ?

If computers had invented humans as part of a BI program (biological intelligence), humans would have been tossed aside as barely having achieved perfect game play at Tic-Tac-Toe.

Reading, Pa., county controller Judith Kraines complained at a commissioners' meeting in January about having to type letters and do other business on a typewriter because her computer was old and no one had been able to get it to work for two years. 'If we had a computer', she said, 'letters would go out faster'. Three days later, she announced that the computer she was complaining about in fact had not been plugged in to any electrical outlet and that when the plug was inserted and the computer was turned on, it worked fine.

It's like being a doctor, but without getting my paws all gooky.

I will write on a huge cement block 'BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING.' And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer and run like hell.

If some unemployed punk in New Jersey can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95 this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka !

Dude, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid you've been hacked — the FTP server at 127.0.0.1 has all your personal files. See for yourself; just log in with your normal id....

I don't understand why cheerleaders won't talk to me. Maybe I don't throw five touchdowns against Newport High, but let's see one of those football morons program in assembly language. !

MMORPG players are freaks. If I ever have kids, and I catch them doing anything with a computer except for normal stuff like porn and hacking into school to change their grades, I will beat their asses like a red headed step child.

Why is it 'marketing' when a company helps itself to my information against my will and 'piracy' or 'industrial espionage' if I helped myself to THEIR information against their will ?

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G ?

Internet Explorer Tip: when it says 'turn off images', it only refers to inline images. Which is why it's safe to go to Goatse but not Tubgirl. I think it's obvious how I figured this out.

Crap... Someone knocked over my recycle bin... There's icons all over my desktop...

Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more user-friendly... Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover.

When I was a teenager, Mom said I'd go blind if I didn't quit doing *that*. Maybe she was right — since the invention of internet porn, computer monitors keep getting bigger and bigger. !

It can be shown that for any nutty theory, beyond-the-fringe political view or strange religion there exists a proponent on the Net. The proof is left as an exercise for your kill-file.