Computer Quotes

It took me many years but I have gained access to the root account and have removed the user God.

HTML and regex go together like love, marriage, and ritual infanticide.

Wanted: Expert Java programmers, 5+ years experience.

Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18 000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers of the future may have only 1 000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1½ tons.

Cracking the Italian codes was something you did at the pub over a beer. It was both relaxing and enjoyable...

I don't care if you ARE getting a PhD in it ! Get away from that damn computer and go find a woman !

Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.

There is unexpected beauty hidden everywhere in this world — one just has to be open to seeing it. Remember that the next time you sneeze on your monitor.

I can only imagine the deprivation and loneliness you will feel from a lack of human companionship when your 1000 free AOL hours run out.

She said she was hot for me, so i gave her a spare heatsink. She didn't seem happy. I just dont understand women.

Morons. These people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless. They must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network. Unfortunatly, the connection works both ways. Long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer.

I want to see the Korean girl who works at the iPhone factory v. the Zune tattoo guy.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, do what I did — try kick-boxing.

Kids today have so many advantages I never had. There's no telling what I could've accomplished with a home computer and a handgun.

Los Angeles County officials have asked that manufacturers, suppliers and contractors stop using the terms 'master' and 'slave' regarding computer hard drives, saying such terms are unacceptable and offensive. Additionally, the term 'e-mail' will now be called 'e-person letter', 'dumb terminals' will now be 'CPU-challenged monitors' and 'Unix' will be referred to as 'sexually dysfunctional operating system'. Obviously, 'fingering' is now banned entirely.

You know you're a geek when... You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor. That just happened to me. It was scary.

I've always wondered if there was a Hezbollah version of minesweeper where you get points for blowing up on your first move.

I say to you that the VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston strangler is to the woman home alone.

This manual says what our product actually does, no matter what the salesman may have told you it does.

I see no progress in this industry. These clocks are no faster than the ones they made a hundred years ago.